On our website I use the word community a lot because we would ultimately like to create one here. But what do we actually mean by it?
For starters, two disclaimers: I think community evolves organically overtime just as cities, families and cultures do, responding to individual and collective needs. So, creating one is a lengthy process.
Because we are just starting out on our project I have a beginner’s perspective, which might be overly optimistic or naïve.
Second, growing up I spent a lot of time alone, so my sense of community is based on that hunger lonely kids have for connection. My parents came together and separated many times before divorcing, causing me stress and triggering constant movement. So the community I am looking for is something I crave because I rarely experienced it.
“You have to listen deeply, admitting to it when you can’t, and maintain boundaries while also being willing to shift them because people are never what you think.”
I sought community in many places throughout my life, even though I’m used to going it alone. In Amsterdam, I lived in a commune for 5 years, eager to explore conscious group living. But many of my housemates, artistic types of all ages, were there for the cheap rent. They claimed to be interested in community, but were too short-sighted and self-involved to make it work. This dynamic played out especially around dirty dishes, which would accumulate over the week, get pushed to the side and never seemed to belong to anyone. Despite numerous futile angry texts, nothing changed. There was no willingness to step up as an individual to support the group, no direct action, and unsurprisingly, no growth.
It was there that I learned that being part of a community takes commitment and mutual respect. You have to listen deeply, admitting to it when you can’t, and maintain boundaries while also being willing to shift them because people are never what you think. It’s a constant messy dance trying not to step on each other’s feet, though some types insist on it because that’s how they crave attention. I also learned how people are mirrors, tricksters, or catalysts always reflecting what I believe back to myself.
When Dennis and I started volunteering in Portugal, we had some rough, disappointing times at first. A lot of people use volunteers as cheap labour and don't give much back—it’s quite a utilitarian exchange. But we stuck at it and eventually discovered the beauty of people spontaneously coming together, and the strong connection strangers share when they work towards the same goal, like harvesting olives.
We started volunteering at spiritual retreats, where dozens of personalities are at play, attempting to be of service. This triggered me more than I thought. In a nutshell, as humans we so badly want to be enlightened while bypassing all the difficulties or conflict (which are the biggest mirrors). Like a peacock, we display our feathers to distract from our imperfections, chasing away our ugly shadow self. Only thing is, it follows you wherever you go.
So based on my experience up until now, I would say community encapsulates words like, dynamic, communication and honesty. For me, it ties into the word “Ubuntu,” which comes from the Africa Zulu tradition and translates into “I am because we are.” Ubuntu says we were born as individuals on a unique path, but we are also born into communities that teach us about the world. I will write more about the concept in another blog--it's just too long to go into here--but in a nutshell, Ubuntu says “I matter.” And so do you. It gives a sense of fairness, respect and mutuality and it's the mutuality that drives me.
The community we hope to create is one that will evolve, expand or contract, depending on the process, and we are creating it to nurture and feed others while we grow roots. If I was to use a metaphor, I'd say it’s like a farmer returning to his fields, committed to his work, and eventually harvesting the abundance of what he has sown.
On a last word, incredible things seem to happen in groups and we are curious, soooooo very curious, what precious magic we can awaken, create and activate here. :)
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